Off Belay: A Tale of Shattered Dreams

Once upon a time, a beautiful princess named LeAnn worked in a stunning crystal tower along the gentle cascading waves of the Cedar River. Every now and then, mystical people called window washers would ascend the tower to make it sparkle and shine more than any other tower in the land. The window washers were quiet and quick in their work, but LeAnn saw more to these suspended people than their magical squeegee wands. Mesmerized, LeAnn would watch the graceful dance of the washers - descend and swoosh... descend and swoosh. This dance made LeAnn smile, which displeased her evil stepmother, Karen. After Karen could take no more of LeAnn's joy, she sentenced the beautiful princess to work in the crappiest (literally) tower in the land - the Hogly.

As LeAnn diligently toiled in her new tower, she was delighted to see that the mystical window washers had followed her to the dung heaps of the Hogly. In a strange twist, an albino window washer entered the confines of the Hogly to make it sparkle inside as well as out. Overwhelmed at his presence, the ever humble princess LeAnn hesitatingly approached the mysterious albino to commend his efforts and ask how she, too, could participate in the suspended dance of the squeegee. With a chortle, the albino dove through the open window and ignored the fair princess. In a fit of rage, the princess proclaimed, "I will not be ignored!" and pushed the albino to his death.

OK, so this story isn't all true... but I want to be a window washer and the guy who came into my office totally ignored me when I asked how one becomes a window washer. Perhaps he thinks I'm belittling his job, but I'm not. I really, really, REALLY want to dangle from the roofs of tall buildings and wash windows. It is honestly a fantasy of mine.