FYI Friday

FYI: I joined a women's book club Wednesday evening. The club primarily consists of the wives of attorneys (though I'm sure the wives would get by on their own merits), but also plays host to such attnedees as a trial lawyer, an infectious diseases researcher, and other notables. Have I mentioned I don't have a job? or a husband? I guess that makes me notable in some other way...

We just finished Everything is Illuminated and are moving on to The Kite Runner.

Just thought you oughtta know.

Any comments as I delve into the text?

Eye Don't Know What to Say

I have Foot-In-Mouth disease in a really bad way. Now matter how funny I think I am, nobody else seems to get it. What's more, I tend to say the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times. But I've found someone who's worse than me... Dr. Ophthalmologist (Dr. Op).

I've known the doctor for a few months outside the professional setting because our daughters are friends, and I recently opted to use his services because my previous doc retired. When I saw Dr. Op a couple weeks ago he was courteous and professional... at first. Then he asked me whether I thought his wife looked older than him. I paused, thinking that was an absurd question. Then he said, "Ahhh... You can tell me the truth, I look a lot younger than her. I know I do. And I should, because she's 2 months older than me."

As I've mentioned a billion times on this blog, I am a single mom. Ok. So, Dr. Op started to ask me about the relationship between little Mookie and her dad. I said they don't see each other often and he interrupted, "That's awful. I love my kids so much. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't see them or talk to them every day." Then, in an instance of realization, he put his hands on my shoulders and said, "That doesn't make you feel any better. Does it? Sorry."

Mookie had an eye appointment with Dr. Op this morning and at the end of the visit he started in on why he chose to enter the field of Ophthalmology. He said he initially considered ear, nose & throat, but thought that wasn't exciting...

...That's when he shocked me: "I couldn't be an OB-Gyn because, well, there are just some places these hands shouldn't be."

Good to know, Doc... Good to know.

Nine Things:

1.) Money is not the root of all evil. The love of money is the root of all evil. C'mon... get it straight!

2.) What is the ideal gift for a good male friend who is turning 30?

3.) I like meeting new people. I'd like a job where all I have to do is meet new people... and build networks of like-minded people. I may have that job soon (keep your fingers crossed).

4.) I met a 19-month-old kid named Killian over the weekend. He was hilarious and adorable, but he didn't the like the green-apple flavored sucker I gave him. The sad thing was, I spent too much of my time thinking how great he'd be with Becky's 18-month-old daughter Alexandra. I'm a freak! They're still babies! <hanging head in shame... with a smirk, of course>

5.) Ecclesiastes is my absolute favorite book of the Bible. Some say it's depressing, but I think it's a work of unparalleled genius and realization.

6.) Don't get me wrong, Desperate Housewives is an ok show, but why do so many news/talk shows feel it necessary to spend time rehashing each week's episode as if life depended on it? It's hyperbolic fiction! It's irrelevant as a news topic... and Grey's Anatomy is a better show.

7.) Goat cheese crumbled into Belgian Waffle batter, then baked (in a Belgian Waffle-maker) is pretty good! I'd like to try it again sometime with a little more cheese.

8.) I have a recent problem of leaving my cell phone in my car. It makes people mad. It makes me happy.

9.) 2001: A Space Odyssey - an explanation.

FYI Friday (on Monday...)

I had a busy weekend, so my FYI Friday post is coming to you today.

FYI: I got me a new pair o' specs!

Just thought you oughtta know.

The Edge

Last night I was invited to dine at a new Coralville restaurant called The Edge. Not only was the experience 80% unpleasant, but the web site intro. is 100% annoying!

Upon entering The Edge, I could see that a lot of money was poured into the building's aesthetic appeal. I liked the wall sconces in the lounge and the "Thumbs-Up" statue near the restrooms. However, The Edge also features visually appealing tableware that isn't big enough for the food. Form over function. That's a big no-no for me. The salad greens would not stay on the shallow square plates regardless of attempts to the contrary.

But that's all trivial in comparison to the food - the primary reason we dine-out: it was bland and over-priced. Period. Nary a redeeming quality.

Good things about The Edge: courteous staff, aesthetically pleasing (staff and ambiance), draught Guinness, nice lighting, cool sinks in the restrooms (but no locks on stall doors - they kept swinging open), a separate sports bar with seven 55-inch plasma screen TVs and two rear-projection TVs, and - most importantly - the wicked-awesome "Thumbs-Up" statue I previously mentioned.

Overall, it's a "1.5" on a scale of 1 to 5. Don't go unless you've got a hankerin' for a good beer in a plush sports bar.

I Don't Know All the Answers... (and I never will)

(I'll probably jump all over the place with this topic...)

I was listening to an encore presentation of "To the Point" on NPR today. A Harvard Bio prof. and a woman of some sort of significance were discussing the holes in Darwin's theory of evolution. Both were on the side of "science". Neither wanted to mash together "natural explanation" and "unnatural explanation". The guests agreed, "[natural and unnatural explanation] are two separate realms that cannot co-exist." I don't necessarily agree, but I'll get to that later.

A man called in and, with a strong southern accent, inquired about the origin of the first cell; the cell from which all life emerged. And before that cell, there was matter; and from what did that matter emerge? Actually, now that I think about it, one of the speakers either wrote, or quoted work from, a book/essay... the title loosely recollected as "From the Wing of the Dragonfly to the Human Eye." But I digress. Anyway, the caller simply stated, "Unless there's a beginning, I just don't understand." The Harvard prof. smugly responded with the question, "Of course we don't understand. Neither of us have studied molecular biology. Have we?" In other words, the prof. didn't have any sort of answer for that question. At least, he didn't have an answer he wanted to share publicly.

Both guests agreed that science, in and of itself, is not a perfect science. The woman joked that if we put our faith in science as something that's absolute and factual, we should be leery of riding an elevator, "because there's a lot we don't understand about gravitational principles." They loosely defined science - no, natural science - as a means of explaining and cataloguing observed datum and testable occurrences.

Okay, so as I'm writing this I am frustrated by my lack of direction on this topic. It's bigger than me... and I can't do it justice. I'll go back to my thought from paragraph 1. Primarily, I think that both natural and unnatural explanations require much faith. And let's just call this debate what it is, Big Bang vs. Creation. Evolution within a species is observable and virtually unquestioned in and out of dogmatic boundaries (tho inter-species evolution, for which there has never been proof, is undoubtedly questioned), and that's is why I'm commenting on the Beginning: Big Bang vs. Creation.

My point is that it takes just as much faith to believe in a Creator as it does to believe that something came from nothing (because that contradicts everything we've ever learned from and about the study of natural science). A friend once asked, "Why does there have to be a beginning?" I'm stumped... sort of.

To believe in a Creator is to believe that the Creator is eternal* - it's supernatural. But to believe that matter is eternal is also supernatural, because it violates natural science.

Back to the Harvard prof. It is my opinion that the Harvard prof. could not, in a way consistent with the laws of natural science, declare the origin of matter as being anything other than supernatural. He thusly avoided the question posed by our red-necked caller as a means to side-step the matter of supernatural faith. The question was henceforth dropped. What a shame.

*Is the human brain capable of comprehending eternity? My brain can't do it.

...and Poo Means I Love Yoo

I took my position as proxy day-care provider for a trio of 3-year old boys today. One boy - we'll call him Slick - left me with a funny story to share.

Slick was lying on the floor watching an educational PBS show while I sat on the couch and enjoyed the start of a new book ("Everything is Illuminated", Jonathan Safran Foer). The other boys were giggling about the new color names on crayons (e.g. fuzzy wuzzy brown). I paused to sip my diet cola and asked Slick if he thought Mary - the regular sitter - was the coolest babysitter ever. He said, "No. You are." I thanked him awkwardly and resumed my reading, Slick staring at me with murky intent.

"I think you're smart. And I think you're pretty," Slick blinked. I gave him a "thumbs-up", having lacked a more appropriate response.

An hour later Slick told me he had to go potty... #2, no doubt. He yelled out from the bathroom for me and told me he didn't know how to wipe his rear. I unrolled a generous wad of TP, shoved it in his tiny fist and suggested that he give it a go. He said he couldn't. He said his arms were too short. He said it itched. I felt sorry for the kid - I didn't want him to suffer a chafed bottom.

We fumbled through the awkwardness of executing the task: "Does Mary have you get off the toilet first, or do you just bend over and have Mary reach under?" He answered with deceptive confusion, "I don't know," so I tipped the guy over and removed any unwanted residue, washed my hands and sent the boys off to prepare for lunch.

Mary arrived and I dished the morning dirt, including Slick's inability to cleanse down-under. That's when I learned he'd been wiping regularly and without fail for over a year! Mary questioned the little rascal, who reactively hid his flushed and grinning face under a blanket. The little dickens tricked me! A three-year old! He knew precisely what he was doing.

How do little kids learn these things?

FYI Friday

FYI: This is a Squibbit. It is a mutant species that exists due the rare occasions when God allows rabbits and squirrels to breed (because, you know... there just aren't enough of the little varmints). Okay, none of the above is factual, but the little freaks exist. Oh yes. Yes they do. A squibbit is a squirrel that possesses some rabbit traits.



Notice the squibbit's short, cotton-tail and the way it looks like a squirrel yet hops like a rabbit (highlighted).

As a side note, Becky's property is home to the Squabbit (a rabbit that possesses some squirrel traits: i.e. long bushy tail and short triangular ears). We have yet to capture photo evidence of the elusive beast, but we hope to share our findings with you in the near future.

Just thought you oughtta know.

The Mom Trumps the Lunchlady

I was volunteering at Maddie's school today and accepted Maddie's invitation to join her for lunch. Her classmate, Peter, and I were quietly enjoying a conversation about Lebanese cuisine when the lunchlady got on the microphone and announced that our table was to be punished for poor behavior.

Red faced and pissed off, she shouted that lunch was not a time for conversation. That we should eat quietly and respect others in the cafeteria. Good honk, lady! We had corn today, where'd ya put the cobs???

The kids dropped their trays at the dirty tray counter and had to miss 5 minutes of recess with their heads down on the table. Undaunted by the possible repercussions of a lunchlady scorned, I began to bid farewell to Maddie - with half a notion to excuse her from this undue punishment. The lady walked over and asked me to please respect that the class was in "time out". I smiled and said, "My daughter was polite and respectful throughout lunch. I would appreciate that you not interrupt my time with her. Thanks."

I think I probably could have excused Maddie to recess regardless of the rules... and it really would have ticked off the lunchlady! But, alas, I had a meeting to attend.

Next time... next time...

BrewNost, Numblips!

"Welcome to BrewNost! An international beer tasting along the mighty Cedar River. Presented by Wells Fargo in partnership with John's Grocery to benefit the National Czech and Slovak Museum and Library. October 7, 2005."

I only tried 7 beers tonight... yet I'm having a very hard time typing. My lips are numb. Here is a list of my samples for the evening (rated on a star system 1 [*] through 4 [****]):
1. Herold Pivovar; Bohemian Black Lager - Dark brown to black, dense cream head, oily richness. Flavors reminiscent of bittersweet chocolate, with some sappy bitterness and a long, dry smoky finish. *** (Czech and Slovak Republics)
2. St Bernardus, Brouwerij; St. Bernardus ABT 12 - A deep caramel abbey ale, smooth, creamy and full bodied with big richness of texture that has a lingering mouthfeel and is very assertive, like a warming coconut brandy. ** (Belgium)
3. Dupont Brasserie; Saison Dupont - A classic Belgian farmhouse ale, a beautifully balanced, complex beer with refreshing fruitiness and long, dry finish. It is bottled unfiltered so it may be cloudy or have a slight sediment, but this is normal and perfectly natural. *** (Belgium)
4. Heller Brau - Trum K.G.; Schlenkerla Rauchbier UrBock - An unusual brew made entirely from smoked malt. This method imparts a strong smoked peaty dryness that creates the perfect accompaniment to rich German dishes. This beer is brewed each autumn for the Urbock-celebration at the Schlenkerla tavern in Bamberg. **** (Germany)
5. Harvery's & Son LTD.; A. Le Coq Imperial Extra Double Stout - Originally made by a Belgian, the brewer moved to England and started exporting his heavy stout to Imperial Russia, where it gained popularity with the Czar and the Imperial Court. Soon Russia became England's greatest market for beer. In the early twentieth century, high tariffs forced the brewery to move to modern day Estonia. Five years later, the Bolsheviks arrived and shut down the brewery. Fortunately, the recipe survived and now this "Baltic Porter" or Imperial Stout can be enjoyed once again. This nectar is a huge complex beer with deep roasty chocolate notes, which can be served with ice cream for an Imperial Float - try one! * (England) Note: I thought this tasted like a dry, effervescent, port wine.
6. Coopers Brewing LTD.; Pale Ale - Naturally fermented in the 'Burton-on-Trent' style, it also features a fine, cloudy residue which can be stirred through the beer by tipping the bottle before drinking. **** (Australia)
7. Schild Brau Amber - Millstream's most popular beer, this easy drinking German Marzen style beer is the best of all beer worlds. Caramel roasted malt is carefully balanced by German Hallertau finishing hops. *** (Iowa, USA)


Then - a la popular sit-com blunder - I bid on a silent auction item as a means to up the price. Of course, I ended up winning the prize at the end of the night. I won 2 tickets to see Tomas Kubinek - Certified Lunatic & Master of the Impossible: "between the unbelievably bad magic tricks, the chicken clucking, water-burbling, the hair standing on end, missing finger tricks, and absurd acrobatics, Kubinek deserves the title "Certified Lunatic." He also deserved the reaction from those members of the audience, who, had they not been so busy rolling around on the floor like mirthful marbles, would have applauded even louder and longer." Above-left is the print displayed with the bid sheet.

FYI Friday

FYI: I took this photo at the WWII Memorial in D.C. The wall contains 4,000 stars, each representing roughly 100 casualties. The memorial is a magnificent tribute to those who served.

Just thought you oughtta know.

Operation Eden

I found this blogspot last week and I'm just now getting around to posting... as I see the site has actually made it to the Blogger.com "Blogs of Note" list.

"Operation Eden:
A personal chronicle of what hurricane Katrina has done to my poor proud people."

Clayton James Cubitt, a young New York photographer, depicts the humanity of post-Katrina New Orleans with photos and memories. I was moved by the photos. To the left is his mother... his pride. She wears a bandage on her nose.

"In 100 degree heat she sat there, and I watched as what was left of her dignity and pride slowly drained out of her. I could see it happen, right as she apologized to the doctor for having unshaven legs, but we haven't had running water this whole time, so I feel bad you have to touch them. The doctor was charming and said nonsense don't apologize, but it was too late, and Katrina and the 100 degree heat evaporated my mom's reserve of dignity and all I could do was watch, because dignity drains much faster than you can fill it back up."

Charges: Arson & Kidnapping

Charge: Arson

So... a fire started on Becky's front porch tonight while the kids were plugging away at their Bible verses in church. Becky and I were actually watching "So You Think You Can Dance" and noticed the yummy autumnesque aroma of something burning. I assumed the delicious smoky smell was coming from Becky's incense and she assumed it was coming from the back-yard of her certifiably insane neighbor. Neither was the case. We opened the porch door to find an antique can with its contents ablaze. Using our keen senses of logic, we got the can out into the rain and kept the fire from spreading. I thought Becky was going to have a heart attack... that would have been bad. Very, very bad. Worse than a fire, in fact.


Charge: Kidnapping

I wrapped up my duties as temporary firefighter and headed to church to pick up the kids. Tonight I was to pick up three kids and deposit them safely to their three respective homes (mine included). I got Maddie first, then headed into Logan's classroom to excuse him for the night. Unfortunately, I am not Logan's mother and the leaders apparently don't want non-parental figures extracting children at random. I think it's a wonderful idea! However, Logan's mother asked me to bring Logan home tonight - it was a last-minute decision. The class leader first asked my name and then asked Logan to verify my name. I thought that was a little asinine considering Logan just heard me offer my name to the leader. The leader then asked Logan if he recognized me. Shouldn't that question have preceded the first two questions? At any rate, we went through a poorly devised song and dance to determine that I was, in fact, LeAnn: child chauffeur, and not LeAnn: hardened criminal - kidnapper of churchgoers. Logan's mom will have to bring a note next week... which will be hard to do if she's not there.

I have a meeting with Mr. Bubbles and a Pinot Noir. Adieu!

Birthday Suit Accessories: Granny-Style

I celebrated my birthday on Saturday with several activities of developmental, cultural, genetic and physiological significance.

I started the day by coaching Mook's soccer game. We lost 0-4... and totally deserved it. At half-time I took the opportunity to remind the defenders and keeper to block the opposing team's angles. I told the forwards to maintain their positions and communicate so as to maximize their passing efficiency and increase the chance of scoring. Then I remembered they're only 6 and 7 years old. They have no idea what I'm talking about. I cut myself off and asked with a smile, "You ladies have no idea what I'm saying, do you?" Several parents chuckled and I ended with a giant, "Go out, do your best, and have a great time." I learned an important lesson Saturday morning. Side note: the girls surprised me at practice last night with a giant soccer ball balloon and a birthday card. They're the sweetest, most tenacious kids I know.

Mike and I went to the Amanas for Oktoberfest around noon. We were lucky to find a parking spot right away and walked mainstreet to scout the unique weekend events. Mike took pity on a lone accordion player - probably the only street musician who was playing authentic German tunes - because nobody was listening to him. The crowds gathered where little bands played songs like There's a Tear in My Beer. We made it down to the dining tent outside the Festhalle Barn where the locally brewed Millstream beer was served in mugs by the litre. The October air was hot, so Mike and I purchased our brats (he had kraut, I didn't) and took shelter under the shade of a couple oom-pah bands in the barn. After chatting for a while, observing that we were at least 25 years younger than most attendees in the barn, we decided to hit the wineries for free samples. I think we hit about 5 or 6 wineries, all of which primarily produce uber-sweet dessert wines. Mike settled on a cranberry wine, but I didn't like any of the wines enough to purchase a bottle. As far as local wine cellars go, I prefer Galena Cellars, because they have a nice variety of wines that range from dry to sweet. They offer six generously poured samples for a $2.00 fee.

Mike and I headed back early to Cedar Rapids because it was hot and Oktoberfest was not geared toward our generation. I took Mike on a mini tour of historical southeast Cedar Rapids, then we landed at Jim's Starlite Room, a hole-in-the-wall with fantastic bar food. Several friends showed up in time to power up the big screen and catch the last quarter-plus of the ISU/Nebraska game. I usually don't like receiving gifts on my birtday because I usually get stuff I don't need - yeah, I'm a brat that way - however, this turned out to be a jackpot year. Mike surprised me with a poorly wrapped copy of a book called "The Life of Pi" (I could see through the wrapping paper... it made me smile). A couple friends noticed that I was lacking in the accessory department and took care of the deficiencies, and my bio-mom came through with her thoughtful fragrance-themed gifts to which I look forward every year. Mike was a trooper. He withstood meeting the family and friends with outstanding dignity; they were impressed with his kindness and sincerity. And though we aren't technically a "couple", it's just one less hurdle to jump as we forge ahead.

Mike, Matt (my bro), several friends, and I opted to move the party to Westdale Bowl for extreme bowling: blacklights, lasers, sweet tunes, beer and fog machines. We played 3 games, and I somehow earned the nickname "Sweaty Pants." Sucks to be me... or my pants. My highest score was 99... I am a terrible bowler. I took bowling class in high school, for Pete's sake. I should at least hit 100, but no... I couldn't even come through with that 1 extra point. I hit my only strike of the night when I stood backwards and pushed the ball through my legs granny-style.

Like this, but backwards.

Good times...

Happy Birthday to ME!

Put on your favorite party pants...

Today's my birthday!

Here are some folks of note who share my birthday:
India Arie (30)
Neve Campbell (32)
Gwen Stefani (36)
Tommy Lee (43)
Stevie Ray Vaughan (51)
Lindsey Buckingham (56)
Chubby Checker (64)
Gore Vidal (80)

More importantly, Germany formally reunified on my birthday in 1990.

For more on the greatness of October 3, see This Day in History at historychannel.com.